When Chuka and Ifeoma* moved to the United States with their two children, they imagined a better life – more opportunities, financial freedom and a new beginning. But for three years, Ifeoma shocked Chuka with five devastating words: “I’m going to get a divorce.”
Her reason? “You will never go home,” she told him. “We won’t go out. The kids can hardly see you. I didn’t come to the United States to be a single mother, and my husband lives in the same house.”
Chuka was speechless. He works two jobs to keep up with rent, car payments, daycare fees and pay bills, and he thinks he is doing the right thing. But in the process of providing, he was already absent.
This is becoming increasingly common among Nigerian couples who migrate abroad, especially in the United States where marriages end, usually within the first 5-7 years after the relocation. The question is: Why?
Hidden pressure of “realizing dreams”
Relocation, while full of promises, brings great pressure, especially when couples prepare for emotional, financial and cultural losses.
In Nigeria, extended families, family help and community support can often serve as a buffer for marriage. Abroad, many couples face harsh reality: limited support systems, rising costs, long working hours and isolation.
Especially for many men, the pressure to meet financial expectations is overwhelming. They work multiple jobs or long distances, often leaving their home before dawn and returning late at night. They became providers but lost contact due to partners.
Meanwhile, women (some of whom have given up their jobs or occupations in Nigeria – fighting for loneliness, lack of companionship and the burden of parenting in foreign countries. Some people are beginning to hate their husbands, they are physically but not emotionally.
Cultural transformation
In Nigeria, traditional gender roles are often explicit, with family structures based on community. But abroad, expectations have changed.
Women are more susceptible to supporting independent systems. Consulting services, welfare support and legal protection are easier to obtain. Friends, colleagues, and even social media often encourage women to reassess their marital standards. If the emotional needs are not met, many will begin to question the value of staying in the marriage.
At the same time, men may not have the emotional ability to handle these transitions. In Nigerian culture, emotional vulnerability is rarely taught or encouraged. When the cracks start to show up in the relationship, many people withdraw, feeling betrayed and misunderstood.
Common warning signs
Risk couples often encounter:
- Segmentation in the newsletter: Conversation Becomes a Transaction – Focus on bills, schedules or logistics.
- Emotional disconnection: One or two partners begin to feel invisible, unheard of or underestimated.
- Unrealistic expectations: One partner assumes that another partner will “understand” without clearly discussing the needs or burdens.
- Quarantine: In the case of limited family or community support, stress can be internalized.
How to protect your marriage abroad
Despite the challenges, Nigerian couples can maintain their relationships while adapting to life abroad:
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Schedule intentional time
Even a simple evening walk or a home dinner can help couples reconnect. It has nothing to do with the cost, but with the commitment.
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Public communication
Talk about your struggles, feelings, and plans. Avoid assumptions; instead, ask questions and listen with empathy.
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Redefine the role together
Don’t think that the Nigerian template will be in the United States discussing who handles what at home, what support is needed, and what sacrifices feel fair.
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Invest in the community
Quarantine is dangerous. Find churches, cultural groups or parenting circles. Shared experience reduces stress and provides much-needed support.
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Seek consultation as early as possible
Treatment is not a sign of failure; it is a tool for success. Many organizations provide affordable or faith-based counseling for immigrant families.
The final thought
Leaving Nigeria does not mean leaving your values or love behind. But success on new lands requires adaptation, vulnerability and teamwork.
If couples can foresee the challenges of relocation – financial stress, changing roles, emotional fatigue – they can proactively plan to protect their marriage. As the saying goes, “It’s not about breaking your burden, it’s about how you carry it.”
For Chuka and Ifeoma, consultation offers a second chance. But for many people, it’s too late to wake up the phone. As more and more Nigerians pursue their dreams abroad, it is time to prepare not only for moving, but also for marriages that must survive.
*The name has been changed to protect privacy.
